Anonymous said: Im originally from CA and moved between there, Iowa, and now NM. but on sunday i am moving to Boca Raton with my partner. Any advice for newbie floridian?
1. Don’t do it
2. Take defensive driving classes and become a mean ass driver who gives no fucks - otherwise you will go insane and get stuck behind the fossils (extremely old people who for some unknown reason still have their license and refuse to go over 35 mph)
3. Go to publix and run around like a kid in a candy store
4. Don’t buy cute outerwear like coats or sweaters because they will collect mildew in the back of your closet
5. Learn to kill palmetto bugs with no fear (you may need to purchase a flamethrower)
6. Know that if its raining outside there’s a 60% chance that it’s already stopped raining outside - forget that umbrella
7. Buy a fucking sunshade for your car and use it all year round
8. Become an orange
^Truth. Especially Number 5. Seriously. Hairspray and a lighter work just as good too.